Restrictions and Allowances

When you’re “dieting”, it’s all about decision making. You have to restrict your calories and increase your activity. You’re supposed to be conscious at all times of what you’re doing.
A typical food diary (today’s) for me, looks like this:

10/11/11
Breakfast:
2-cinnamon waffles, frozen, toasted
1-tsp LOL butter (Land o’Lakes) (rough approximation of the 1 tsp)
1/3-c SF (sugar free) syrup. (again, approximation)
1-16 oz cup coffee, black

I have more to add to it, but putting it down here, makes me aware of it too.

That’s just a start. If I’m “starved”, then I may eat more. Yesterday, for example, I had a bag of Fritos. Fritos! 160 calories, 10g FAT. Yep, really healthy. I let it slide there too. I had a Kit-Kat bar later in the day. More importantly, I LET myself have the KK bar because if I didn’t, I’d have been obsessed about it all day long. I wasn’t going down that avenue. I didn’t want to fight with myself.
My day was long enough and stressful enough that I didn’t want to go through the self loathing I would have hit if I’d said “NO”. My internal dialogs are all skewed anyway. No sense in doing that. I’m learning the hard way that the ugly internal dialogs aren’t going to get me anywhere.

Over all, I’m fairly certain that I have a long way to go before I can say that I’m a success, but I’m working on it. I’m feeling a lot better about myself these days. I don’t punish myself for things like eating french fries. Instead, I take the bad with the good.

I will make allowances for my eating…If I’m going to splurge, then I need to make sure I incorporate MORE vegetables or fruit into my eating schedule. It’s the only way to make sure I am getting healthier.
I’ve signed up for a “lowfat cooking” class online. I’m going to learn to cook better and use less of the ‘bad’ things (salt, etc). It’ll be a fun 6 weeks.

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Pet Peeves and Miscellaneous Commentary

Pet peeves…everyone has them. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say they’re “fat” when they don’t practice good eating habits, but think that eating all the junk in the world won’t hurt them. News flash there–it DOES hurt!

Yes, I have pet peeves. Many of them. My biggest pet peeve lately is the people who scream constantly about how “fat” they are, when they don’t DO anything to counteract it. I hear “Oh, I’ve got to lose a thousand pounds…” and then I see the same person going out for drinks/fast food/whatever. No, I *don’t* know what happens when I’m not looking, but when I hear the constant trumpeting about weight, I get tense. And annoyed.

I’m a “plus sized” woman. I won’t deny it. I don’t exercise regularly. (Jumping to conclusions is not exercise, no matter what I think. Neither is talking about losing weight. Darn, wish it was!)
I don’t eat right. To eat “right”, you need to incorporate portion sizes, vegetables and healthy fruit. It doesn’t include scarfing down a box of french fries (which, yes, I have done). It means paying attention to portions. It means measuring, weighing. Half a pizza or an entire pizza is NOT a portion.
I’m working with a personal trainer and one of the things she’s got me doing is documenting my food intake (when I remember to!) I can see that I’m not eating right. For one, I don’t see hardly any veggies in my diet. That’s got to change and I know it. I made lasagna for dinner last night and even though it was loaded with cheese, I did add spinach to it to make it different. It was very different. I’ll have to play with that idea.

My point is, don’t sit there and whine that you’re fat or that you’ve got to lose weight if you’re not going to walk the walk or talk the talk. It serves to annoy people.

Another peeve is when people take pictures of themselves in a huge group, posing with all their buddies, and then point out their flaws, saying “I’m so fat.” Some of us might be in that group and might be offended by seeing you, who are SKINNY, bitching about your weight. Some of us truly have weight problems. ALL of us have self-esteem issues, surely!!!

Now I know, it’s not really cool to be griping about people’s eating habits. I will be the first one to admit that I’m a horrible eater! I don’t eat enough veggies. I don’t eat enough fruit.
For a snack at work today, I ate Fritos. FRITOS!! (10g FAT, thank you very little!!) Good eating, but not good for you. I know. My little demon on my shoulder chewed me out as I ate them. I’m not going to feel guilty. I can’t keep doing that to myself. No beating myself up…”just keep swimming”, in the words of Dori, the fish from Finding Nemo (copyright Disney/Pixar).

So there. I admitted that I have flaws. I am learning to overcome the negative comments in my head that tell me I’m useless, blah, blah, blah. I’m not going to listen to them. I’m not going to listen to the ugly spectre of a voice from my past, telling me how “fat” I am, how ‘ugly’ I am, how ‘useless’ I am. I am Curvy. I am BEAUTIFUL!! My husband likes me as I am. I need to not listen to that nasty little voice. I am who I am.

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Training with Alba

Visual Motivation, July 2011

I am not an athlete. I am a person who despises exercise in any form or fashion. I finally got to the point where I felt like a loser. I saw myself spiraling further and further away from who I wanted to be. I had thought at one point that I wanted to push for another Black Belt, but I let my mind get in my way, so I failed at that ambition. I let myself fall into a trap of “I am not as good as X or Y.” That’s a vicious cycle, believe me. I found out the hard way. I got increasingly more and more discouraged by my perceived failure to live up to the expectations I had in my own head. I also didn’t ask my instructors for assistance with the language or my material. I assumed that I knew what I needed to know. This was not the way to view that. Now fast forward to May of 2010. I started taking Tai Chi lessons, and while I enjoyed it, again, I didn’t practice and made excuse after excuse not to attend classes. This was a shame because I did enjoy it. I stopped attending those classes in February, after my surgery. I was inconsistent in everything I did–intermittently walking, etc. I talked a good talk, but that’s all it was. Then I got to talking to a former instructor, who happens to also be a friend. I knew that she belly danced, so I asked her if she’d be willing to give me a lesson. She was. She came out to my house and talked to me. She’s also a personal fitness trainer, so I decided that if I was going to change my life, I may as well jump in with both feet. I respect Alba and know that if anyone is going to kick my a$$, it’ll be her. I signed on for training. I have now taken at least two weeks’ worth of classes and have found it the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I will continue to work with her because it’s the most fun I’ve ever had working out–Alba makes me work and makes me work hard! She allows me a little bit of slack, but very little. I feel each workout for days afterwards, which is good! It means something good is happening. I tell myself daily that I’m seeing benefits. I am sure I am. My slacks fit better, my tops aren’t as snug and I’ve seen some other changes. I can see a little bit of definition in my sides. I have to say that Alba is definitely someone who knows what she’s doing and she’s absolutely wonderful!! She gave me a bracelet that I wear daily as an inspiration. It is a visible reminder of what I’m doing.

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Exercise

When you’re “dieting”, you are inevitably told that you can’t possibly lose weight unless you exercise. I don’t like to exercise…I’m lazy and like being cool in the summer, warm in the winter. I don’t like to step out of my comfort zone either. I’m taking Tai Chi classes, which , up until today, hadn’t been what I would call strenuous. Today was a bit different than normal.

This morning, I had a Tai Chi make up class because our last class of the cycle was canceled. I can’t make the class on the 10th because of a prior commitment to Boy Scouts, so we had a make up class today. We met at one of the local malls that is reasonably quiet. There were two of us there. E and I were both there to take advantage of the additional training.
I warned Sifu (Sifu means ‘teacher’) that I hadn’t been practicing. We went over a lot of basics and picked up from the “Four Corners” in our form and went on through “Chinese Guitar” and then to “Carry the Tiger over the Mountain”. I think the form is really neat, even without the names of the sections.
Today, Sifu caught some mistakes I was making and corrected me. During Chinese Guitar, I have a tendency to not use my hips…actually, I have a tendency to not use them during most of the things I do, but she corrected me today. We practiced turning until I was able to turn my complete trunk. In Tai Chi, the entire trunk is from your neck down to just below your hips. I have a habit of forgetting that my hips are there, so when I turn, I put stress on my knees. Today was one of those “aha!” moments. The light came on After E left, I talked to Sifu and we went over Four Corners to Carry the Tiger over the Mountain, and then I showed her the opening of Kee Cho Hyung Il Bu (Basic form #1). I am actually using my hips and NOT flopping around or losing my balance. That’s what I needed to be able to do. That form felt so much better than it’s ever felt! I was pleased with myself for that! I don’t feel like I was reaching past my knees (that’s something I need to watch out for in Tai Chi) and I wasn’t losing my balance. It made me happy to see how that went together. Tai Chi is about balance. I’m feeling like I saw a definite correlation between Tai Chi and Tang Soo Do.

I won’t have another Tai Chi class until January 24th. I have a Zumba class starting on the 11th and running for a month. I’m seriously hoping that I see some weight loss sparked during that class as I’m sure it’s going to be intense cardio. If that doesn’t make me lose weight, I’m going to have a discussion with one of my doctors about that.

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Success despite Halloween

So, as a life-long “dieter”, Halloween, with it’s myriad offerings of sweets and goodies, is definitely a “no-no holiday”.   You can’t turn a single corner without seeing candy everywhere.  It just jumps out at you, begging you to eat it!

This year was no different from other years.  Well, wait, there was a difference.  Since we now live in a house again, we decided to buy candy to hand out to the neighborhood kids.  There were plenty of kids who came through, working on their collective sugar highs.  It’s amazing we didn’t hear insulin levels just climbing high, but that’s a topic for a different day.

With two kids in the house, and one who doesn’t like chocolate, it’s hard to resist that siren call of candy.  I think I did fairly well. I took a lot of it to work and handed it out at work.  Of course, other people had the same ideas, so Tootsie Rolls ™ any sort of chocolate (without nuts) and “Smarties” ™ that were being shared were fair game.  They had a siren call that was nearly irresistible.  I caved in and took some, snacked down multiple times at work (until I thought for sure my teeth would rot out!) and then told myself that I would NOT eat more candy!  We won’t talk about the fact that I had a hamburger on Friday that was absolutely wicked!  Had fries too, but again, won’t talk about that.

Sundays are my usual weigh in days.  I didn’t document my weight last week because I’d gained and I was irritated and not pleased.   Today, however, I got a pleasant surprise!  I was below 230 for the first time in a very long time.  That made my day.  I of course, had to post it and got a lot of positive comments that give me encouragement.

I could sit and make excuses for myself, but I won’t.  Ultimately, I know that the reason I’m as big as I am is because I don’t take control of myself and my life.  I’m working on that now.

In the few weeks since I re-joined Weight Watchers (September 29th to November 7th), I’ve managed to pull off a 12.2 pound loss and I. AM. PLEASED.

 

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Weekend

With every “diet”, you have to do SOMETHING to help accelerate your weight loss. You can’t just expect the weight to “melt off”, which a lot of plans claim to do. It needs something to jump start the metabolism and burn off those calories! The only other way I’ve been able to lose weight was to get Strep ia few years ago. I don’t recommend THAT as a way to lose weight! It’s only temporary and when you finally feel like you can eat, you’re going to put on the weight you lost again.

When I was following Weight Watchers from 2006-2007, I was also in martial arts on a regular basis and was getting in at least an hour of exercise every other day. At that time, I was building up to testing for my black belt and needed to work out extensively. I was somewhat following WW…just not documenting the food I was eating as regularly as I could have been. I was working out for 2 1/2 hours in the mornings on Saturdays and found that it was a catalyst for my weight loss. I enjoyed that.

I rejoined Weight Watchers this weekend because I truly think I’m ready for another go-round. I’m trying it on my own, but I’ve set a teeny-tiny goal…I’m going to work on 5% of my body weight. I think it’s a healthy goal.

One of the things I’m doing is that I’m keeping in my mind that this is NOT a race. I’m in this for the long haul. It may be exactly why I failed all the other times I tried to go down this path. Well, no, the grapefruit thing wasn’t a “fail”. It was truly gross. Poor grapefruit…I don’t like it and to this day, as I’ve said before, I won’t eat it!

So here we go again. Another round of WW. Since I’m starting at a smaller goal to begin with, and my rewards are so much more enlightening (think manicures, non-food related rewards). I’m feeling pretty darned good right now.

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Confessions of a Cereal Dieter

I’m a serial (cereal) dieter.  I’ve been on diets all my life.  It’s not pretty.  I’ve been on more diets in my 45 years than anyone should ever consider.  It’s been crazy.  I am going to post my thoughts and my life-long journey of weight loss on this blog.  I’m posting a LOT here, so let me be the first to warn you that I have things that will be said that can be very ugly.   I’m not having a pity-party.  I’m over being distressed by some of it as it happened many years gao.

Growing up in Washington state,  I had issues as a child with weight.  Parental types were not pleased to have a “fat” child and made sure it was well known.  There were the the enforced “diets” where no food was made available.  There were the mean comments, which to a 6-7 year old (or older) cut to the bone and HURT.  Things like “you’re going to have your clothes specially made for you by Omar the Tentmaker because you’re so fat!”  Yeah, that sort of thing.

I learned to escape some of the hurtful things by turning to sneaking food at night. When the rest of the family would go to bed, I can clearly remember getting up and snacking on frozen taco shells (ewww!).  I remember eating ice cream out of the carton, at night.

My stepfather was abusive to my mother.  He used to beat her on a regular basis.  He also played an abuse game with his step-children, but this isn’t about that.  I hold no ill feelings about it now. It’s helped shape who I am.  Again, I’m not out for a pity party.  I’m stating facts, helping lay down a foundation of who I am.

Sooo, dealing with weight has been a life-long trial.  I’ve had a lot of things that have occurred in my life and I’m going to be as factual as possible, but also put in my feelings about things here.

You’re welcome to come along for a ride.

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