As humans, we want recognition for what we have done or are doing. It’s a way of saying, “hey, I’m worth something.” It doesn’t have to be big.  Sometimes, the smallest word of encouragement is enough to keep you going and make you feel that you’re being successful. It’s a great feeling to have someone notice you and say, “Keep up the good work!” You don’t feel that it’s all in vain.

All my life, I’ve had weight issues. I’ve lived with a parent who constantly told me how “fat” I was, how she was going to have my clothes made special for me.  I’m desperate to NOT repeat those actions with my own children because I know firsthand how hurtful it is for your parent, the one you love unconditionally, who should love you unconditionally, to tell you things like that.

I usually resist posting my weight loss attempts on Facebook because I tell myself I “don’t want to be like Jane Doe or Sarah Homemaker”, the ones “who spend all their time in the gym.”  “I don’t want to to be boring.” I have read *many* status updates where Jane Doe or Sarah Homemaker talked about how they conquered climbing Mount Fuji and it annoyed me. Why was I annoyed with it?  Was it jealousy because I couldn’t go climb Mount Fuji? Was it irritation that they climbed it before me?

Thinking back on my attitude, maybe I should have been out there, patting them on the back and telling them how wonderful they are for doing it.  After all, aren’t I looking for the same thing? I want validation too. I want Jane Doe and Sarah Homemaker to tell ME, “Hey, M, you’re FABULOUS!  You are rocking the workouts!! ” I have my support group in place already-I have eight wonderful, true friends, who push me, tell me to get over myself and keep going. I’m not sure why I want MORE validation.  Do I not already value myself?

I have to think long and hard WHY I ‘m working on weight loss.  It’s for my health, ultimately, I know, but there’s that nasty little voice inside my head that says “you’re not worth anything unless you’re super small.”  I have to beat that voice into submission and say “GO AWAY.”

So, for the people who constantly post their status updates as “I am a gym rat.” “I ran two marathons today.” I say, “GOOD JOB!! I applaud you!”  My cousin told me that I needed to post my updates, because that way people could follow my progress.  I tried it, didn’t get the “atta girl” that I thought I should get and frankly, had a temper tantrum of sorts. Well, guess what?  I’ve built a bridge and have gotten over it.

I am important to me. My husband and children notice that I’ve lost.  Ultimately, THEY are the ones who will appreciate that I’ve lost weight, because I’ll be out there running ahead of them when we go out as a family to do things.

I have goals.  My number one goal is to stop trying to have my outside family appreciate me or notice me.  I’m not in contact with my mother anymore so shouldn’t need to have validation from her that I’m successful.  I am successful in my own way.  So I don’t spend hours upon hours in the gym. I’m making baby steps and that should be more important to me than having someone pat me on the back and say “I’m glad you’re working on your weight issues.”



About Marguerite Nico

First degree black belt, mother, stressed individual, Tai Chi student and now add crazy college graduate, Class of 2017
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One Response to Validation

  1. Stephanie says:

    Well, climbing Mt Fuji is overrated. Or so I’ve told myself for years, after several typhoons and a wicked bad cold prevented me from every doing so… Walking the dog (the daily performance and meditation) is a much better lifelong approach to fitness of the body and mind.

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